just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
