we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
