We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
