break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
