my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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