I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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