quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
