She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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