More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
