Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
