He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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