I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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