omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
