At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize