But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Your dad touched me again.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
