I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
