I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
