My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
