Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
