Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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