I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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