best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
