I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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