I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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