I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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