I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
