her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
