I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
