a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I love you.
Bad choice
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
