when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
