I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
what the fuck happened to the tacos
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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