If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
