Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
