What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
