why didn't you poke me back
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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