I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
a search helicopter?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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