My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
