Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
