I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
