WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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