it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
