definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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