we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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