Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
