Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
