On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
