Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He better not be in your backpack
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
