My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
