hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
