I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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