it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
