A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize