also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
