Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
