whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't deserve a penis
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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