so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
