Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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