remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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