I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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