oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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