Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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