I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Small penises have feelings too.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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