Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
