be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
