Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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