Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
