i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
