you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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