Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
