I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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