you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
