Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
