my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
is it fun? or sober?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
