I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
