I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
