Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
