guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
