at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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